EXCERPT – “THE LIST MAKERS”

Besides talking to Sable, I also shared with my friends my desire to meet someone and settle down. My friends were determined to help me.  Some encouraged me to make a list, to write down my vision of a perfect partner. They hoped by writing it down, putting my intentions out there, I’d  eliminate the wrong person. A good idea on the surface, but you can take it too far. 

“Blessed are the list makers for they know not what they do.”  That would be my prayer for every list maker I have met (and those I have yet to meet).  You know the kind. The attractive but high strung girl from your yoga class who’s convinced she’ll meet the right person if only she can make the right list.  

We all know list makers. It’s that friend who begs you to come over for a glass of wine so you can work on  your list together. They believe if enough people witness their vomitus of the brain to the universe the more likely they will be to manifest the princess or prince of their dreams. They will be able to conjure the type of magic or juju pulled straight from fairy tales that will bathe their dreams in morning dew and make all their fondest love wishes come true.

‘He has to be at least four inches taller than me. I need a man I can look up to.  And dark hair. Oh yes, dark hair. Heathcliffish. I love me a brooding man. At least a six figure salary.’ I’ve heard this request, or as the requestor likes to call it, “prayer,” from more than one straight female friend. I believe this particular Prince Charming must be on the endangered species list due to how many women want him.And the gay girls are not much better.  “I need someone feminine. Much more feminine than me.  I can’t live without feminine. Matter of fact, anything less than Sophia Vagara hot won’t do. I won’t be able to get arooooused,” they cry. I’ve heard this “princess” request from more than one buzz cut butch in cargo pants and a wallet chain than I can count.